Ash Wednesday - I need to forgive

On Ash Wednesday, as I receive my ashes, 

I am invited to respond to the call 

to forgive those who have wronged me,

ask forgiveness of those whom I have wronged,

and to ask forgiveness of God.

I need to forgive my mom.

I need to forgive her for giving me up and abandoning me. 

I need to forgive her for dropping me off at my dad's and just driving away,

only to see her on court designated days.

I see now that my mom has her own demons to deal with.

I need to forgive my dad.

I need to forgive him for not being emotionally there when I was growing up.

I see now that my dad did the best he could, raising me by himself.

He is my father; there's no way that he could fill the role of a mother.

I need to forgive my mother-in-law.

I need to forgive her for her lies, passive aggressive ways, and paranoia.

I know that this is probably the hardest one to forgive 

because I have to deal with it on a daily basis.

I see now that she does truly care for her family and will do anything for them.

I need to forgive those who have harsh and thoughtless words towards me.

I see now that I have done the same to others.

I need to forgive myself for not always being the best mother or wife.

I need to forgive myself for the dark thoughts that I have had.

Even now, says the Lord,

return to me with your whole heart,

with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;

rend your hearts, not your garments,

and return to the Lord, your God.

For gracious and merciful is he,

slow to anger, rich in kindness,

and relenting in punishment.

Perhaps he will again relent

and leave behind him a blessing,

offerings and libations

for the Lord, your God.

- Joel 2:12-18

Why does forgiveness sound so weak when you talk about it in the abstract, but when you truly practice it, it is one of the hardest things I've ever have to do?

"Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive"
 - C.S. Lewis