Song Saturday! Billie Eilish - bury a friend

I listened to the song and just started jotting things down that stood out to me or what I thought:

step on the glass

I want to end me

when we fall asleep, where do we go

I live in the dark shadows of my mind

weapon sounds

As I thought about what I wanted to write, I let my subconscious take over. What I saw, what I experienced, I wrote down:

An image of me with a sword plunged into my chest rose up from the shadows of my mind.

I yanked the sword out of my chest.

There is a hole inside of me.

I feel hollow now.

I breathe and the hole hurts yet I live. My lungs expand, the hole enlarges. The sword is like a plug, removing it emptied me. Not a bad thing. The sword was pinning me back, stopping me from moving. I can breathe, not trapped. The empty space is freeing, scary, what now? 

My heart is gone, I feel nothing.

I can't put the sword back; it's in my hand, dripping rubies. A million blood red rubies falling to the ground, spilling everywhere. My blood as hardened as my heart. Why don't I feel anything?

My bones crack as I move. I see my skeleton. I see my white ribs expand as I breathe; I feel it as I move. Nothing is hidden from me.

Who am I fighting? I wondered as I hold this sword in my hand. "Myself," the shadows whisper back at me. I've been in unseen battle with myself, without me even knowing. What am I fighting about? "The truth. You must find the truth," the shadows reply. "Don't lie. Don't lie to yourself. I have to be honest with myself."

The reply instantly made tears spring to my eyes. Tears that came from a deep well from within myself.  Not tears of sadness, but tears that knew what it said was true. The water was a like baptism, bathing my cheeks, cleansing myself.

What will that hole be filled with? It's an almost satisfying experience, a relief. A breath of fresh air. Feel unplugged for the first time in a long time. Like how you feel after a good run in the spring air. It took energy, it took something from you, you had to suffer, but now you feel stronger, better. 

It's invigorating. It's freeing. I breathe deeply, loving the new feeling. I feel renewed. 

This is a real experience that I feel in my mind. I've had the image of a sword being stuck in my chest for awhile now. The song reminded me of it and I decided to focus on it and trust my subconscious to come up with the rest. I have to have the courage to trust my subconscious. It is a part of myself.