Spiritual Sunday! They fell silent and did not at that time tell anyone what they had seen.

Lectio Divina: What stands out to me: They fell silent and did not at that time tell anyone what they had seen.

I relate to that as well. I have experienced things that I haven't told anyone yet. I guess, I don't know what to make of it. It scares me a bit. And I know that the prevalent attitude towards God is disdain at best and hatred at worst. Maybe it seems like a private thing. I understand why they didn't tell anyone right away. I read the passage and I don't know what to make of it. How do you make sense of what you saw? 

When we were selling our house in the fall, my husband and I knew it was a huge change but a necessary one. Where we were living was not safe. It wasn't always like that. It was (and still perceived as being) a desirable area to live and a great school system. I use to think that we were so lucky to happen to be able to live in such a great city. Although, it was annoying when you told someone where you lived and they go, "Oh, you live there?" in a snooty voice because then they assumed I was rich, which was not true. But overall, I was happy there. 

But in the last six years, I started to notice odd things around the neighborhood. It all started with the apartment building that was constructed basically across the street from us. I wasn't worried at first. It was toted as being high-end luxury apartments for all the professionals to live close by the many businesses and hospitals. We always joked that we couldn't afford the monthly rent there. But that wasn't actually the case. We found out only much later that many of those apartments were being subsidized by the government. Not to mention that we also found out that the senior-living apartment building (that was also very close to our house) was now being open to the general public. I think you know where this is going. 



The first incident was when we heard that there were car-jackings in our surrounding area. It was a specific kind where the car behind you would very slowly bump into your car while you were stopped at a light. And then, when you got out of your car to check on it, they would jack your car. We only found out about this after someone tried to do that to us. We felt the car lurch forward and obviously we were concerned. We didn't know what to do. I surmised that the bump was so small that it most likely did not damage it. Since we were still stopped at the light, I wrote down their license plate number, and when we got home (which was just right around the corner), we then checked on the car. We didn't report it because we thought it must have been a mistake and no damage was done. Looking back on it now, I realize that incident happened right in front of the new luxury apartments.

And then about five years ago, our house got broken into and my purse was stolen. People could hardly believe me because they were like, "But you live in that city?!" As if, something like that couldn't happen in that city. At that time, we still lived with roommates because money was tight. Unfortunately, they were not good about locking the door and they would often be the last ones to come home at night. So the door was barely ever locked (and even left wide open sometimes). Well, one night, people "broke" in (I mean, it wasn't locked) and they stole my purse. My purse also had my car keys in it. They were kind enough to leave my keys in my car, but only after they went through my whole car. I assumed they were just looking for cash. I was so very lucky that they didn't steal my car. I found out later that they went up and down our street, breaking into a bunch of houses and they had already stolen a car, so I guess they didn't need mine. The whole thing was a horrible experience because you like to think that your home is safe. But it wasn't. After that, I had a really hard time sleeping and would wander the house at night, double checking all the locks. One time, over the weekend, one of our roommates came home extra late and of course, left the door wide open (He had ADHD but he also was an inconsiderate asshole). He did this, even after being full aware that we have already been broken into. The next morning, I saw the open door and I went and woke him up and literally screamed at him in way I never have done before. It made me absolutely terrified. The only good thing about all this was that the cops did find the person who did it. I had to go to court as one of many witnesses. The guy did go to juvenile detention center and wrote me an apology letter. And the cash that was in my purse was compensated.

Since then, for the next few years, there was a lot of little things that you don't always notice right away but stick in the back of your head. There were beat-up cars that would drive slowly up and down our streets, or just parked right outside. You know, just chilling there. We knew they weren't from our area. We weren't in the nicest part of the city but our neighbors took care of their cars. But we never reported any of it. I mean, what are you going to tell police? We never saw anything that looked criminal. It wasn't a crime to have a beat-up car. We were so naive. 

Well, when you have a baby, you start noticing more. When you have such a small, helpless infant, your eyes open to any dangers that could possible hurt this precious life. (And we kicked out the roommates by this time.) We weren't completely unaware that the neighborhood was changing. Obviously, we've had some experiences already. But more things kept happening. Our neighbors had kids that went to the high school, and they told us stories about what happened in that building. We knew even then, that we would not send our daughter to the school system. Remember, this was one of the top ranking schools in the entire state. And we didn't want to send her. I worked in a private school, so we thought we would send her there because then she could get in for free or at least at a reduced price. We were compromising because at this time, we still didn't want to move.

Last summer was the figurative last straw for us. It wasn't a trickle of things anymore. It was a flood. There was a graduation party that was happening three houses up the street from us. It was a huge party where cars were parked all down the street. Nothing wrong with that. We weren't worried. As we were getting ready for bed, we heard two shots. Gunshots. I'm from the country; I know what gunshots sound like. Then, the waves of people were running down the street, through our yard, and screaming that he got a gun. And then they were saying that they were going to get their guns. Right away, my husband calls the police. They responded quickly and blocked off our part of the street. When the police asked the person in charge of the party, she said that there wasn't a gun; it was just fireworks. We could hear all this because we were just down the street. While they were talking with her, cars were coming back up the street. Slow moving, with their lights off. They did what they said that they would do. They went and got their guns and they were coming back. The police had already blocked off the street but that didn't matter. A few different times, the police had to more forcefully tell them that they couldn't come through the street. The police were there for hours. I was literally shaking through all of this. All I could think of was my baby. It would only take one stray bullet to kill her. And her room faced the street.

This was all the beginning of the end for us. We were having a hard time deciding if we should move. We were very reluctant because this home had been in his family for generations and we had just remodeled it. We really thought that this would be our forever home.

Even after the graduation party, it became more commonplace to hear gunshots. The first few times we reported it. But after awhile, we stopped. It was becoming the new norm. So was hearing sirens constantly. I also stopped walking around the neighborhood. I use to love walking up and down our streets and would do it often. But I noticed how those beat-up cars would be parked around more and more often. One of the men in those cars was staring at me. I had my baby with me. After that, I never went for a walk again.

We started asking people if we should sell. The overarching answer was if we wanted to get the most value out of our house, then we should sell soon. The housing prices were still high. People outside of our city still had a good perception of it and thus would be willing to buy at a higher price than what it really was worth.

We had to do a lot of thinking. It was such a hard decision. We were leaving our beloved home. Our home that was in the family for three generations. Our home that we spent so much money and time remodeling. Our home that we thought that we would raise our child(ren) and grow old together in. But our neighborhood wasn't safe. I didn't want to go outside anymore. Even our own backyard was unsafe. Our backyard faced a business parking lot and there were cars parked there after hours, who had no business there. They were doing drug deals. We had to get out.

When we went to market, we were still unsure if this was the right call. What if we were just blowing things out of proportion? At the end of summer, we went on vacation for a few days while there was an open house for our home. When we returned, a neighbor told us that while we were gone, there was a drive-by shooting two blocks up from us. We could see the bullet holes in the house. Yeah, we knew we were doing the right thing.

We also decided to do a very risky thing in order to get out of that area faster. We basically reversed mortgaged our house to buy our new house. This was very risky because we didn't know if it would sell right away. If it didn't we would be stuck paying our very high interest payments in addition to paying taxes and house insurance on both houses as well as all other house bills. That's how badly we needed to leave. I never have done something so risky. But it was all to make sure our family was safe.

At this time, I was considering to become Catholic. I wasn't full in yet, but I have never prayed so much, so hard for our house to sell. I prayed to St. Joseph every day, reciting the prayers. I then prayed straight to God, begging to somehow help make this all work out. We weren't sure where we were going to move, we weren't sure if our house was going to sell, we weren't entirely sure how we were going to make all our payments, and we weren't sure if we were going to be safe while still living in that neighborhood.

I felt that everything really was in God's hands. Everything was out of my control. All I could do was pray and tried everything I could do to help make our house show well. Any showing we accepted, even if it meant displacing all of us at very inopportune times. I was in the middle of making dinner and people wanted to come see our house in fifteen minutes. We quickly packed all of our stuff, a half-made dinner, and our child to his sister's house, so I could finish making supper. It was a crazy time. 

It didn't go that smoothly. People had silly complaints about our house. We always joked that we were expecting them to complain that we had the wrong color of granite for our counter tops. They complained that we didn't have a grand living room, no vaulted ceilings or anything. They complained about the structure of the house, like we could change that. It was a bungalow style, so that meant the bedrooms and the nursery were on the first floor while the master bedroom was on the second. Nothing we could do about that. We also dropped the price on the house a few times. That gave us more showings, but nothing came of it.

In the meantime, I refused to give up hope. I continued to pray earnestly everyday to St. Joseph and God. One Saturday, my husband and I were outside, cleaning up the flowerbeds when he suddenly stopped and picked up St. Joseph. If you don't know, when you put your house on the market, you bury a statue of St. Joseph and pray specific prayers everyday for your house to sell. 

My husband and I looked at each other when he picked up the statue. He swore that he buried the statue pretty deep in the ground. But when he went to clean the flowerbed, it was just laying on top of the dirt. We didn't know what to do. We thought maybe an animal dug him up, so we buried it again. Not even ten minutes later, we got a call from our realtor; we had an offer on the house. It was a surreal moment. Obviously, this was a sign.

I'm not going to lie. I was thrilled, but I couldn't help but be a bit hurt. The offer was substantially lower than our asking price. And this was after we dropped the price of the house three times prior. But you never look a gift horse in the mouth. I swallowed my pride and knew this was a sign from God. He gives you what you need, not what you want. We only countered by two thousand at the request of our realtor and accepted the offer.

After that, things kept falling into place. We still had issues, but we ended up finding a place that fit our needs and so far, is much safer. Yes, we are more in the country, so there are apparently coyotes. I prefer coyotes at this point. And we never had to pay one payment on our reverse mortgage loan. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. The day that we signed the contract was one month exactly before we had to start paying interest on our loan. Which meant, we would get the money for our house the day our payment was due and the loan would be paid in full.

So anyways, this was a really long tangent to what I was talking about in the beginning. In the passage, Peter, John, and James did not tell anyone what they saw right away. Neither did I. I think that is why my whole story just gushed out of me. I wasn't planning on telling this entire account. But I think it needed to be told. I didn't know what to make of the sign. I knew that God answered my prayers. It really was a surreal moment. I, of course, prayed in gratitude to God and St. Joseph. And, yes, St. Joseph has a place of honor in our new home. But how do you just tell people what you experienced? I have mentioned it in passing to a few coworkers, but how could I express the full extend of what had happened? Again, I think I just needed to write my story down.

Luke 9:28b-36

Jesus took Peter, John, and James and went up the mountain to pray. While he was praying, his face changed in appearance and his clothing became dazzling white. And behold, two men were conversing with him, Moses and Elijah, who appeared in glory and spoke of his exodus that he was going to accomplish in Jerusalem. Peter and his companions had been overcome by sleep, but becoming fully awake, they saw his glory and the two men standing with him. As they were about to part from him, Peter said to Jesus, "Master, it is good that we are here; let us make three tents, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah." But he did not know what he was saying. While he was still speaking, a cloud came and cast a shadow over them, and they became frightened when they entered the cloud. Then from the cloud came a voice that said, "This is my chosen Son; listen to him." After the voice had spoken, Jesus was found alone. They fell silent and did not at that time tell anyone what they had seen.